It’s Who I Am! Chp.9

Emily flew in that night, and the next day Justin, Jesse and herself went to the Park to talk.

“So… Why did you leave Justin?” Emily asked

Justin laughed “Does it matter? How about this, Mom… Why did you wait til now? I mean, you waited SO long to find me…”

“Justin, I looked for you, every single day of my life. Not a day went by that I wasn’t trying to find you…” Emily said

Jesse tried to interrupt them, to prevent arguing “D- Did my Mom ever wonder about me?”

Emily sighed “Jesse. Honestly, when you left… It completely broke her heart. She went into a state of depression and before I left, she did tell me to ask you one thing… Why? That’s all. She didn’t want to know how you were doing and I don’t want you to blame her because really, she has a point. I mean, I know I’ve made some bad choices in my past but that doesn’t matter anymore. What matters is that I’m here now. Right Justin?”

Justin looked at Emily, “Kinda- Well, not really. Actualy, yes. I guess.”

Emily looked at Justin “Yea, Justin I don’t want to fight… The important thing is, I have you now. So tell me about the past five years. What did I miss?”

Justin smiled, “Well…”

We got here… Maybe 2 weeks after we left. We had to sleep in a Sub way. Neither of us were 18, so we couldn’t exactly just buy a house.

Emily asked “What about food and clothes?”

Jesse said “Surprisingly, the store up the street threw out nice clothes all the time. And we would visit the homeless shelter at night for food. Everyone there is so caring.”

“Well that’s good,” Emily said. “And what about when you guys were 18, and were able to live on your own?”

Justin laughed “I remember that day like it was yesterday. Since Jesse’s birthday is 2 months after mine, I decided to wait untill then. I even proposed to him that day.”

“It was… A sunny day and we were behind a little restaurant right down the road.” Justin said

“N- No it wasn’t” Jesse said.

Justin ignored him, “I looked at him and said, ‘Jesse, I want to spend the rest of my life with you.’ And he looked back and said ‘I do too’.”

Jesse laughed. “That is absolutely NOT how it happened at all.”

Emily stopped and thought; “Well, what do you remember Jesse?”

Jesse looked around and said, “Well…”

“It was a full moon. We were at the park, and Justin grabbed my hands, and knelt down on one knee. ‘Jesse’ he said, ‘I have been in love with you since day one, and I regret all the denial I once had. You complete me, because truth is without you… I’d still be in denial and let me tell you, it’s one of the worse feelings I’ve EVER experienced. I need you, and I want to be with you forever. Jesse, will you marry me?‘ So, I just said yes, and from there it was all good.”

Justin laughed “What? I don’t remember that at all. I doubt I said something as cheesey as that.”

Jesse looked down, then back up with tears in his eyes “Justin… That’s what you said… And it wasn’t cheesey it was beautiful.”

Still laughing, Justin said “No. I didn’t say that. In fact I don’t even remember ever being at the park.”

Emily interrupted “Justin I know you. And-”

No you don’t!” Justin said interruptingly. “You don’t know the first half about me. You know that I’m your son, and that the reason I’m gay is because I went through years of neglect…”

Jesse looked at Justin and just had this moment of realization that was just “what the hell am I doing with this guy?”

Emily started crying “Is that true? Do you blame me for you being gay?”

Jesse said “Don’t answer that. Because you’re going to make things worse… Between us.”

Justin stopped and thought then said “No.. I mean yeah but I-”

Jesse interrupted “Stop. Just stop Justin. For gods sake just stop. And give it up, stop trying to blame everyone around you for everything that goes on in your life. I’ll be at home, when you’re ready to be a man and just let things go… I’ll be there.”

Then, Jesse got up and stormed off.

Justin sat in silence while he watched Jesse walk towards the street and hail a taxi.

“I suppose this is my fault too?” Emily asked.

“Yes… It is.” Justin said.

“How? How is it my fault Justin? Damnit if you want me to take blame in your flaws then fine. Justin I’m sick of you hating me so I’m going to give you what you want. I’m sorry I made you gay. I’m sorry I didn’t let your Dad abuse me. I’m sorry that your boyfriend, or husband or whatever just went home. I’m sorry. Okay? I’m sorry that you’re not perfect, and neither am I. If I could, I’d go back and undo it. but I can’t. So you have to just take me as I am.” Emily said.

“I- I’m going home. You can still stay for the rest of the weekend if you want.” Justin said quietly, and not looking Emily in the eyes. Then he got up and walked to the street, hailing a taxi. Emily followed him into the back of the cab.

Justin came home and it felt empty. Justin and Isabelle weren’t there. Then Justin looked and saw a note on the bulletin board. It read

Dear Justin,

If you’re reading this, I’m probably gone by now. And please don’t come to the airport and talk me out of leaving this time. I’m going back home… To my real home. I have a lot of regrets, Justin and leaving my Mom was one that I regret the most. I don’t regret falling in love with you, but I think both of our lives would be easier if I’d of gone to California with my Mom five years ago. I hate to say it, but this IS good-bye. I’m sorry.

Sincerely,

Jesse xoxo

Justin’s eyes filled up with tears as he crinkled the note up and threw it towards the trash bin out of anger. And there pinned to the bulletin board was a ring. The very ring Justin placed on Jesse’s finger they day they married. And that’s when Justin realized that it really was over.

Justin turned around and faced his Mom.

“What happened?” Emily asked.

Justin stared blankly for a few seconds then said “I’m going out. You can take the bed, I’ll have the couch. I’ll be home later on tonight.”

“Justin wait.” Emily said. “I’m not going to lie. I read the note over your shoulder… I’m sorry for that, but you can’t go chase after him. I think it’s best you let him get away for a while. He’ll be back.”

Justin tried to put on a fake smile but it only got about half way. “Emil- Er, umm. Mom… I’m not going after him. I’ll be home later. Okay?” Then Jesse slowly left the apartment and hailed a Taxi.

Justin found himself in a small bar down the street.

“I’ll just have a beer” Justin said. Noticing the bartender was a seemingly gay male.

“Comin’ right at ya’” The man said, followed by a wink.

Oh yeah, he’s definitely gay Justin thought.

A few seconds later the bartender slid a beer down to Justin. Then, he tried to start a conversation with him.

“So, what’s up? Seems like girl trouble” The bartender said.

Justin let out a small chuckle. “No…”

“Ah, I know this one. It’s BOY trouble, isn’t it?” The bartender asked.

“Actually yes.” Justin said. “The biggest mistake of my life. I’m over it though. I need a guy who complains a lot less, anyways.”

The bartender laughed, then slowly leaned in towards Justin.

After their faces were about 3 inches apart, the bartender stopped. And slowly started to back away.

“If you want to kiss me…” Justin started “I won’t stop you.”

Then, the bartender leaned back in, this time much faster and planted one on Justin. They made out for around two minutes, when Justin said “Let’s take this somewhere a little more private.

As they walked towards the back room the bartender said “Wait! I- I can’t. You’re in love.”

“No I’m not,” Justin said, “I told you I’m over him.”

“I can taste it in your lips,” the bartender said.

“That’s ridiculous.” Justin stated.

“That, and you’re still wearing your wedding ring.” the bartender added.

Justin looked at his hand and sighed. “I don’t know what to say.”

The bartender smiled. “Don’t say anything. Because in the past twenty minutes I learned something about you. When you say things, you ruin almost everything around you. I don’t know you but I know that this… Guy, is missing out. And so are you. You’re what… 20?”

“21″ Justin said.
“21… So you’ve already lived your youth. The time for making mistakes is over, now you have to live up to them. Don’t let him get away Jim,”

“Justin.” Justin said, correcting the bartender.

“Justin. What you need to do, is go get him. If you let this slip away, you’ll probably never get the chance to do it again. And if you do, it would never be as good compared to this. Justin, this is the real deal.” The bartender finished.

Justin smiled, and walked out of the bar. He made his way home and started packing.

Justin woke his Mom up with all the noise. She got behind him as he looked out the window, wondering if his plan would work.

“Justin?” Emily asked, rubibng her eyes. “Did you even sleep yet?”

“No.” Justin said, “I can’t sleep. I’m leaving again.”

Emily looked at Justin in the eyes when he turned around to face her. “You’re going to drink yourself to death.”

“No. Not to the bar, Mom. I’m going to get my man.” Justin said.

“I thought I said to just leave it alone. He will come back.”

Justin sighed. “No. He won’t. Because he’s right. It’s my fault that he missed out on five years with his Mom… My fault why I missed out on five years with mine. If I don’t go get him, we will never have a chance together. I have to be able to prove to him that I can change. And if he doesn’t want me back after that, then oh well. I tried, and honestly that’s all I can do. All I can do is try.”

Emily laughed. “Well, Justin Bradley Burnack… Go get your man!”

It’s Who I Am! Chp.8

When Justin got home from work, Jesse got up from the computer to greet him.

“How was work?” Jesse asked.

“Oh, great. I love standing in a hot kitchen for eight hours to cook.” Justin replied sarcastically.

“Well, I’m glad you had fun,” Jesse joked.

Justin and Jesse shared a kiss, which was followed by

“I need a shower before we go out tonight.” Justin said

“Uhh? Out? Tonight?” Jesse asked confused.

“Yeah. We said we’d go out the day AFTER our anniversary this year because it’s a Saturday.” Justin said.

“Ohh, now I remember. Okay, well go get a shower… And I need to talk to you when you’re done.” Jesse said

“Well just tell me now.” Justin suggested

“No it’s not that important.” Jesse said

“What happened?” Justin asked

“Nothing, just a phone call for you… Just, it was…. Go get a shower I’ll tell you later, okay?” Jesse said nervously.

“Okay. Love you.” Justin said, then pecked Jesse.

Justin undressed and stepped in the shower. After about 25 minutes, he got out and wrapped a towel around his waist. Then, he walked out into the bedroom/living room/kitchen.

When Justin was finished, he said “Okay let’s go.”

“Now,” Jesse asked?

“Yes. Now” Justin said.

“Why now? You just got here half an hour ago.” Jesse said.

“I know, but it’s already Seven o’clock. The club closes at Two in the morning.” Justin replied.

“You don’t plan on staying til’ two do you?” Jesse asked.

“No, but I don’t plan on leaving so soon. We haven’t been out in a while, it’s time to live it up a bit. And, the babysitter is a close friend of my boss’ and she can stay for as long as we need, so we don’t really have a time limit.” Justin said.

The Banzai Lounge 7:00 pm

“I’ll have three pink sparklers, thank you.” Justin said to the waiter.

“Three? Don’t you mean two?” Jesse asked

“I’m thirsty,” Justin said laughing.

“Here you go.” The waiter said, handing the two their drinks.

“Anyways, about that phone call, Jesse. Who was it?” Justin asked

Jesse grabbed his drink and began sipping it as if he didn’t hear Justin. “Our song is on, wanna dance?”

“Eh, sure.” Justin said.

Justin and Jesse got up and moved to the dance floor.

“Ehh, so who called?” Justin asked

“I can’t hear you the music is too loud” Jesse said

Justin spoke up “I said, who called?”

“Still can’t hear you” said Jesse

“That’s weird because I can hear you just fine.

“Must be an ear infection I’m getting.” Jesse said.

“Really? Then how did you reply to my statement if you didn’t hear me?” Justin asked

Jesse thought… “Uhhh…. What?”

“Nice try Jesse.” Justin said, pulling him towards a quieter area of the club.

“So who called and why are you trying to hide it from me?” Justin asked

“Your Mom called. And… She’s flying out tonight.” Jesse said

“She’s flying out tonight? To our house, to see me?” Justin asked.

“Yeah. I’m sorry. I told her where we were. Justin, she deserves to know where her son has been for the past five years… She deserves to know that you’re gay…”

“There’s a reason I kept these kinds of things from her Jesse. And you just ruined my chances of keeping them from her any longer.”

It’s Who I Am! Chp.7

Sorry it’s late, I had a busy week, and then I ended getting sick yesterday. =[Justin found himself in the Airport’s waiting room. He didn’t see Jesse at all. His whole heart felt like it was breaking into tiny little pieces. Just as Justin started to leave, he heard someone call out his name.

“Justin?” Jesse asked

Justin turned around “Jesse? You’re here!”

Jesse stood up, “Yeah, my flight was delayed… Why are you here?”

Justin thought for a minute, “Jesse, You were right… Then you were wrong…”

“I’m not sure I understand what you’re talking about, Justin.” Jesse said.

“Jesse, don’t get on that plane.” Justin said

“I- I have to, Justin.” Jesse said

“No, you don’t. See, Jesse… I love you. I’ve loved you since the day I met you. I can’t imagine my life without you, and if you get on that plane then you’d be crushing every single part of my body, and I can’t live like that.” Justin started.

“Wait? What happened between you and Peyton?” Jesse asked.

“Well, turns out her and I have a lot more in common than we thought. But that doesn’t matter.”

“Justin, if I don’t get on that plane… I have nowhere to go. So please, give me a good reason why I shouldn’t.”

“Well,” Justin started, “I’m gay. And… I don’t care who hears it. I don’t care who hates me for it, all I really care about right now, is being with you. You get me, Jesse. You get everything about me. Nobody is able to look at me and see what you see, except you… Or, us. Nobody sees what we see, Jesse.”

Justin pulled Jesse towards him, and kissed him.

“I love you, Jesse. Now please! Don’t get on that plane.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tiffany walked out of the bathroom, and didn’t see Jesse anywhere. Literally, he was gone. She tried to call him but he wouldn’t answer. So, she called Emily. The only other person who might have an idea as to where a teenage boy might go.

Emily: “Hello?”

Tiffany: “Emily, this is Tiffany. I lost Jesse.”

Emily: “What do you mean you lost Jesse?”

Tiffany: “I mean I lost him. He’s gone I have no idea where he went.”

Emily: “Okay, well calm down, take a deep breathe. Are you still at the Airport?”

Tiffany: “Yes, the flight was delayed.”

Emily: “Okay, so he’s not-”

Tiffany: “What?”

Emily: “Oh my god, Justin.”

Tiffany: “What!!?”

Emily: “Did you see Justin? He said he was going up to the Airport to say bye.”

Tiffany: “I was in the bathroom. But… Oh. My. God.”

 

FIVE YEARS LATER

Flood Gates Apartments

California, USA

Making his way into the small apartment, Justin says “Happy Anniversary, babe.”

Jesse turned around “You remembered.”

Justin smiled, “How could I forget?”

 

 

 

The two shared a kiss, then Justin said

“Wow. Two years. Feels like yesterday we were just friends.”

Jesse replied “I know. It doesn’t feel like it’s been two years at all. I mean, can you believe it was five years ago that we ran away together?”

“It was the best thing I ever did though.” Justin said.

Jesse smiled, “Oh I almost forgot. We have to go get Isabelle at three o’clock. The daycare is letting her out early today.”

“They can’t do that. What if I was still at work? Whatever. Three? I’ll go get her now then. It’s already Two:Thirty-Nine.” Justin said.

A few minutes later, Justin came home with his and Jesse’s adopted daughter, Isabelle. She was born in Africa, and her parents were killed in a war.

“There you go, Belle.” Justin said, handing her some baby food.

Isabelle smiled and started eating.

Just as Justin made his way onto the couch with Jesse to watch TV, Isabelle knocked over the food.

 

 

 

 

“Ugh, I’ll get it” Jesse said

“No, don’t worry about it. You sit down, I’ll clean it up and I’ll be right back.” Justin said.

 

 

 

 

 

Jesse sat and watched TV as Justin cleaned up the mess. When Justin was done, he sat and enjoyed a few hours with his husband.

“I’m starting to get tired,” Jesse said.

“Me too. Ready for bed?” Justin asked.

Jesse nodded his head and got up, got undressed down to his underwear and layed down.

Justin did the same shortly after.

“What time do you have to get to work tomorrow?” Jesse asked

“Uhhh, Seven:Thirty.” Justin said, making his way onto the bed.

“In the morning?!” Jesse asked

“Yep,” Justin started. “I know, it’s early. But they’ve been calling me in a lot more and a lot earlier. I have a feeling they’re going to prmote me.”

“That’s good. Maybe you’ll make enough money to get us out of this small apartment.” Jesse said, jokingly.

“Come on, Jesse. It’s not that bad. It’s cheap, we have a pool outside, and we don’t need a lot of room.” Justin said

“I was joking,” Jesse said

“I know. But, one day I will get us a nice house. That’s a promise.” Justin said smiling.

They kissed then fell asleep.

The next morning, Jesse woke up early to take care of Isabelle.

 

Shortly after, Justin woke up, showered and got dressed for work.

“I’m off to work, Jesse. I’ll see you later.”

Justin kissed Jesse, and Jesse said “Please be safe. Don’t text and drive like you always do. I worry about you way too much.”

“I’ll be safe, babe. Don’t worry. I love you, bye.”

“Bye,” Jesse said.

 

Just as Justin left, the house phone rang, and Jesse went over to answer it.

Jesse: “Hello?”

Caller: “Hello? Can I speak to Justin, please?”

Jesse: “He’s not here right now, can I take a message?”

Caller: *cries* “Can you tell him his Mom called. And to please call me back?”

It’s Who I Am! Chp.6

“Hey,” Justin said, entering Peyton’s room

“Hey,” she replied, adding “We need to talk, Justin.”

“If it’s about last night, I’m sorry. My Mom is a bit-” Justin started

“No,” Peyton interrupted. “It’s about tonight.”

“If you’re not ready,” Justin said, “We don’t have to do this.”

“No… I am. I’m definitely ready. That’s my point, I’m READY for this!”

The two have never shared a kiss, but are ready to go beyond what they should. Both sixteen, both virgins, never kissed… Try to imagine where this is going to go.

“Hello, Jesse,” Emily said, answering the door to him.

“Hi, Mrs. Burnack, is Justin here?” Jesse asked

Emily sighed, “No. He’s at his girlfriend’s house.”

“Err… Can I come in? It’s kind of important.” Jesse asked.

“Sure, come on in.” Emily said.

Jesse entered the house, and the two found a seat, and began to talk.

 

“What’s going on, Jesse?” Emily asked.

With much emotion, Jesse replied “I’m leaving… My Mom found a house in California, and we’re leaving tomorrow.”

“Oh my god, why?!!” Emily asked in shock.

“My Mom’s husband… She found him online…” Jesse started to cry, “I don’t want to leave… But, we’re leaving at 4 pm tomorrow. I came to tell Justin good-bye, but he’s not here so… Can you tell him for me?”

“Of course I’ll tell him, Jesse. It sucks that you and your Mom have to leave, though.” Emily said.

“Thank you, Mrs. Burnack. Bye.” Jesse said, walking away

“Jesse, wait.” Emily said, then paused for a second ”C-… Wha-… Please, tell me what really happened that night… When your Mom wanted to talk to me. If you don’t tell me now, I’ll never know. And god, I really want to know.”

Jesse smiled, “I wish I could tell you… But I promised Justin I-”

Emily interrupted, “Drugs? Is Justin doing drugs?”

“Erm… No, Justin isn’t doing any drugs, Mrs.-”

“Alcohol? Were you two drinking?” Emily asked.

“Mrs. Burnack, you don’t need to worry. Justin is a good kid, he’s above the influence. What happened between Justin and I… It’s not bad. It’s just personal…”

“Oh my god.” Emily said.

“What?” Jesse asked.

“He- He’s gay, isn’t he?” Emily asked while in tears.

Jesse didn’t want to, but he nodded and said “He might be… Erm, might have been. He’s not though. Ever since he’s been with Peyton, Justin completely forgot about everything that ever happened between us. I’m sorry though… For not telling you sooner.” Then Jesse shed some more tears, and left.

Meanwhile, in Peyton’s room, Justin was finally able to lay a smooch on Peyton’s lips.

“Peyton, I love you.”

Peyton thought for a few seconds, and said “I… love you too.”

“I love you so much” Justin said

“I know, I love you too.” Peyton replied

“No, I love you way more.”

frustrated, Peyton said “Okay, Justin. I love you too.”

“I want to be with you, I love you so much” Justin said.

Peyton pulled away, “Justin, this won’t work if you keep that up. You’re freaking me out!”

“What? This is what we’re supposed to do. Tell each other we love each other. It’s normal.” Justin said, pulling Peyton back towards him.

“Just, don’t say it so much. It’s weird.” She replied.

Waiting for his visitor to arrive, Aaron stood behind the bullet-proof glass.

“What’s her name?” Aaron asked the Officer. “Emily?”

“Not Emily…” The Officer said, looking at his clip board. “It says… Tiffany”

The two sat down on opposite ends of the separating bullet-proof glass, grabbed the phones and stared at each other when Tiffany arrived.

“Why are you here?” Aaron asked.

“Because I know you get out soon.” Tiffany replied.

“And?” asked Aaron

“And… I’m leaving. So I came to say this. When you get out, you better watch your back. Emily is not someone you can just-”

Aaron interrupted “Oh. So you’re threatening me? That’s nice to know, because we’re in a jail right now. Doesn’t seem like the best of ideas.”

“If I find out you lay ONE more hand on HER, I WILL come back to Florida, and you will regret ever doing it. You might be some tough Military guy, but you don’t have a black belt in Karate, do you? No, didn’t think so. So try me, Aaron. And I WILL go to jail, I don’t care! Try me. I dare you.” At that, Tiffany stood up, and left. Leaving Aaron wordless.

As Justin came home from school the following morning, his Mom was standing in the kitchen/dining room waiting to talk to him.

Justin made way towards Emily, as she said “Justin, I don’t really want to talk about whatever happened last night… But, I need to tell you something.”

“Is it about Dad?” Justin asked in curiosity.

“It’s about Jesse.” Emily replied.

“Yeah, is he sick or something? I didn’t see him in school today. I really need to talk to him.” Justin said.

“Well, unless you have long distance calling, then good luck.” Emily said

“Wait… Long distance?” Justin asked.

“Yeah. Emily and Jesse are moving to California.” Emily said.

“T- Today?”

“Yeah. Their flight leaves at four.” Emily replied.

Justin looked at his phone to check the time. It was three:fourty-five. The airport was thirty minutes away…

It’s Who I Am! Chp.5

• 

The day after Tiffany caught Justin and Jesse, she scheduled a little meeting between herself, Emily, Justin and Jesse. They were all there to talk and neither Justin or Jesse wanted it to happen.

• “So, what happened?” Emily asked.
• “How about I let these two tell you,” Tiffany replied, pointing at Justin and Jesse.

Justin choked on his words, as he slowly started to speak.

• “Well?” Emily asked, impatiently
• “I- I’m… I’m trying to think of how to word this…” Justin said

Luckily, Jesse spoke up. Could you imagine if he didn’t?

• “Well, you see Mrs. Burnack, Justin and I were playing a game.”
• “Yes, and?” She asked,
• “And… When we were playing the game… I won, and Justin got mad. So… he threw the controller and we argued. That’s all.” Jesse said,

Tiffany looked at him, and gave him that look of “you’re not getting away with this”.

• “Yea,” started Justin, “I have anger issues.”
• “Uh huh,” Jesse said, “And I’m shocked that we argued, it was so uncalled for.”
• “Absolutely uncalled for,” Justin said, “One thing’s for sure, you can’t win an argument against a gay kid,”
• “Definitely can’t win an argument against a gay kid,” Jesse said, repeating Justin, “Which means I won, because… I’m… gay.”
• “Yeah, he’s… gay.” Justin said. “Not… Me or… Anyone else…”

Emily looked at the two boys. After about 5 minutes of staring, and I mean just staring. No talking, whatsoever. She burst into laughter.

• “You two are the worst liars I’ve ever met.” Emily said, still laughing.

Tiffany saw the look in Justin’s eyes, and it reminded her of Jesse. When Jesse first came out of the closet, telling everyone he knew that he was gay, he had that look. She realized Justin just wanted this to stay a secret. And so, she decided to let it go.

• “No,” Tiffany said. “They really did argue… I’m sorry to have bothered you with this.”
• “Don’t worry about it,” Emily said. Then turned to face the boys, “But you two need to start getting along. And… Can you go play, or something? I want to talk to Tiffany alone.”

Justin and Jesse ran upstairs, glad to of been able to avoid the issue.

• “Is this about what happened to your face?” Tiffany asked.
• “Actually, yes.” Emily replied

Of course Tiffany noticed Emily’s face, who wouldn’t? It’s pretty bad.

• “Did Aaron do this to you?” Tiffany asked
• Beginning to cry, Emily answered, “Yes.”
• “You need to call the police,” Tiffany suggested.
• “I can’t!” Emily exclaimed.

The girls talked about the situation for quite some time. Soon, Tiffany was on her way, as was Jesse.

• “Why was she here with her daughter?” Aaron asked in anger
• “She’s my friend, and Jesse is Justin’s friend, get over it, Aaron!” Emily shot back.
• “I don’t care, this is my house-” Aaron started, but interrupted by Emily.
• “Your house? Aaron, you were gone for over 6 years leaving me and Justin to think you were dead! I bought this house, I signed the lease and then you show up saying it’s your house? I don’t think so.” Emily screamed.

Aaron reached his hand out, and swung it onto Emily’s face.

See, a friend would feel sorry for you being in that situation.

A best friend, would do all they can to get you out of it.

Tiffany, was right on top of the situation. She called the cops, and instead of reporting abuse, as Emily would know Tiffany called, she decided to play it off sneakily.

• “911 operator, what is your emergency?”
• “Hi. I’m calling to make a noise complaint about a neighbor. You should go check it out.”
• “What’s the address, ma’am?” The cops asked.
• “443 Simlane.” Tiffany said.

The cops showed up, knocking on the door. Emily answered.

• “We got a noise complaint, from a neighbor of yours… Is everything okay, ma’am?” The cop asked.
• “Yeah. We just had a small argument, everything is okay now.”
• “Ma’am… Why is there a hand print on your face?”
• “Huh? Oh this hand print. Oh, we were just wrestling around. You know, things couples do. He accidentally swung his hand at me, funny, huh?” Emily said, hoping the lie would work.
• “No ma’am, it isn’t funny. Domestic violence is a serious issue. I would have believed you if it weren’t for the argument and your black eyes.”
• “You know what? Nothing happened, so you can go now!” Aaron exclaimed in anger.
• The cop replied, “Sir, you are under arrest for domestic violence. You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in the name of law. You have the right to an attorney-”
• Aaron interrupted, “You can’t arrest me!”
• Crying, Emily said “No, please-”
• The cop shook her head. “I’m sorry, but I can, and I am.”

Aaron was taken down to the local police station for further questioning.

Justin and Jesse continued to have a secret relationship for a while. It’s like every day Justin is a little bit closer to realizing who he really is… Or might be.

Jesse came walking up behind Justin.

• “Hey.” Jesse said.
• “Hey.” Justin replied.

Jesse sat down next to Justin. They didn’t talk much at first. The relationship was weird, and for Justin, it was hard to handle.

• “How’s your Dad?” Jesse asked,
• “Good… I guess.” Justin started, “But who knows, my Mom doesn’t let me visit him.”
• “Maybe your Mom is protecting you…” Jesse suggested
• “From what? My Dad? I doubt my own Father would do anything to harm me, Jesse. Then again, who knows? I thought I knew my Mom, and now she has my Dad in jail.” Justin said.
• “I just mean, maybe what she knows is a good reason to keep you from seeing him.” Jesse said.

The two held on that conversation for a while. Finally, Jesse changed the subject.

• “Did you get the chance to think things over a bit?” Jesse asked, “About us.”
• Justin smiled, “I’ve done a lot of thinking. And I really like you. Like, really really like you.”

Then, Jesse embraced Justin, and gave him none more than a peck on the lips. With that, Justin pulled Jesse in and started to make out with him. When their lips were too tired to do any more smooching, Jesse asked

• “So, how’s that compared to a girls kiss?”
• Justin laughed, “Wish I could tell you… But, I’ve never done so much as hug a girl.”

Jesse’s eyes opened as wide as they could. He looked at Justin in a way such as “Are you serious!?” Jesse tried to say it as nicely as he could,

• “I never thought I’d say this, Justin… But you really aren’t gay.”
• Confused, Justin asked, “Are you sure? I feel fireworks every time we kiss.”
• “I’m positive,” Jesse started, “You’ve gone 16 years without kissing a girl, which means you’d settle for just about anything. You don’t feel fireworks, Justin, you want to.”
• Shocked, Justin asked “How do you know?”
• Jesse looked at Justin, “I challenge you. Find a girl, get to know her. When you kiss her, and feel what fireworks really do feel like… You and I will be just friends again. And honestly, I’m okay with that.”

Justin felt emotions build up inside of him. He wanted to be with Jesse, he’s the only person who understands how Justin really feels.

• “Fine,” Justin said. “But if I don’t, we can be together, right?”

Jesse smiled, but with tears in his eyes, and said

• “I’d love that,”

Then, Jesse leaned in towards Justin, and placed a small peck upon his cheek.

• “I’ll talk to you later, Justin” Jesse said.

At that, Jesse got up and left. Justin just sat there, and released his emotions as tears, and thought about what could have, and would have happened if he were straight. First he didn’t want to be labeled as gay, but now not straight?

Justin sat there and talked to himself forever.

• “Great. Just great. I fall in love with my best friend, finally come clean to myself about being gay… And he wants me to get a girlfriend? I don’t get it! Why can’t my best friend be my boyfriend? It doesn’t make sense! Ergh, I’m pissed! I think you’re gay Justin, oh now I don’t! He is so complicated!!! How am I even supposed to find a girlfriend, if no one likes me for being friends with him?!? I mean, I sacrificed a whole lot for Jesse!!!”

Justin argued with himself for as long as he could, until he finally got sleepy-eyed, and went to bed.

The next day, Justin met a really nice girl in school, surprisingly enough. She wasn’t even afraid to talk to him. Her name is Peyton, and her and Justin really hit it off within the first few hours they knew each other. So, Justin invited her over.

• “Look, I know it’s really early to ask. But I made a promise to someone that I would find a girl I liked, and…” Justin said, nervously
• “Please tell me you’re asking me on a date,” Peyton said.
• Justin smiled, let out a laugh and replied, “Yes. Yes I am.”
• “Great, Friday. 8 o’clock?” She asked.
• “Sounds like a plan,” Justin said.

Justin couldn’t believe how much he actually liked her. Now all he had to do was kiss her and prove to Jesse that he’s gay. ‘This is going to be easy,’ Justin thought.

The two became an item in school. They were the major couple, everyone talked about them. They were dating for around 2 months, and still, not one kiss, nothing as little as even a peck.

It was still cool though, being an item. They were being called “Peystin”. Honestly, Justin even somewhat forgot about Jesse. They didn’t hang out anymore, and only exchanged so much as “Hello’s and good-bye’s” on the bus. Nonetheless, Jesse was happy for Justin. ‘He’s finally realized he’s straight. No longer confused.’ he always thought to himself.

• “Peyton, I really have to talk to you.” Justin said one day, as he was watching a movie with her.
• “Yes, babe?” she said.
• “See, we’ve been together for almost three months now, and-”
• “Wait, before you continue,” Peyton said, “Are you breaking up with me?”
• Justin let out a laugh, “No. Actually, I was gonna say… I think I’m falling in love with you. I really haven’t felt this way with anybody before. I am pretty sure I love you, Peyton.” Justin said, nervously and leaning in for a kiss.
• Peyton turned away, avoiding the kiss, “Justin, I… I have strong feelings for you. Put it that way. I mean it’s only been a little over two months, give it time.”

Justin didn’t want to admit it, but she’s right. Why rush into a relationship?

Justin and Peyton would relax all night. Sometimes, she skipped her curfew to be with Justin.

• “Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have kids?” Peyton asked
• Justin hesitated to speak, then said “Yep. All the time. I almost missed out on that, though!”
• “What do you mean you almost ‘missed out’?” Peyton asked
• “Erm… Nothing.” Justin said

Emily walked in unannounced

• “Justin! Why is there a girl in your bed?!!” Emily asked
• “Mom, calm down we’re not doing anything…” Justin said
• “Calm down?” Emily started, “You don’t get to tell me to calm down, I am your Mother!”
• “We’re just talking,” Justin snapped
• “I think I should go,” Peyton suggested
• “I think you should, too. It’s way past your curfew young lady,” Emily suggested.
• “Mom! Look what you did!” Justin said angrily

• “Justin, it’s fine. I have to go anyways,” Peyton said.
• Justin sighed, “Okay. Bye babe, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Peyton left, and Emily continued to argue with Justin.

• “I don’t get it, if it were Jesse you wouldn’t have anything to say about it.” Justin said
• “Jesse is a boy, and you wouldn’t do anything with him. He’s not your boyfriend, this young girl is your girlfriend, though.” Emily said
• “You are so confused, Mom. Please, just… Go away!” Justin replied

‘Confused?’ Emily thought. ‘I’m not confused…’

• “Mom, you’re just going to have to accept the fact that I’m in love with Peyton. And tomorrow… We want to do something special.” Justin added.
• “Special? You mean kissing and touching?” Emily asked
• “I think she is ready to do…  ‘it’ ” Justin said, “And I think I am too.”
• Emily laughed, “You’re not ready Justin. Tomorrow you’re going to try getting in that girls pants and you’ll whimp out. I know you, Justin. And I know you won’t go through with it.”
• “Really, Mom? Do you really think I won’t go through with it? Because… I know what I want, and she knows what she wants. And whether you like it or not, I’m going to go through with it. Tomorrow night… I’m losing my virignity.” Justin said.

Emily let out a sigh, followed by a frown,

• “I don’t know you anymore, Justin. I have no idea who you are.” Emily said, then quickly made her way out of his room, crying.

It’s Who I Am! Chp.4

I apologize in advance for the length of this chapter. I had originally planned for it to be pretty long today, but I accidentally deleted some of the pictures. Which means I couldn’t write about Justin finding out his Dad came home, but we can pretend I did, okay? Sounds like an excuse, but it’s not. Enjoy anyways?

Justin’s Point Of View

Highschool. It’s already having a huge impact on my life. This is where mine and Jesse’s friendship had grown strong. Very strong. We’re the kind of friends who can tell each other anything. Literally anything. I know this friendship is awkward for Jesse. Why wouldn’t it be? You got this gay guy who has a huge crush on his straight friend, there’s gotta be some awkwardness for him.

After school, Jesse and I didn’t take the bus. He called his Mom and asked if we could stay out a bit longer and then she would come get us and we would go to his house. And so, we just sat there. And as much as I hated it, Jesse brought ‘it’ up again. He said, ”When you kissed me…” I didn’t want to hear it. I just honestly did not want to hear anything about that, so I interrupted him. “Jesse, I thought we agreed not to talk about that.” And he actually stuck up for himself and didn’t stop talking. “No, Justin. As much as you don’t want to hear about it, it’s something that I’m going to talk about at times.”

I know what you’re thinking, I’m going to yell at him, tell him to leave it behind us. Well, you’re wrong. I’m actually kind of curious as to what he has to say. “Fine, Jesse. What?”  Man if you could see the look on his face when I said that. He was more surprised than he had ever been. “Wait,” He said, “You WANT me to ask you what I was going to ask you?” I smile and nodded. “That’s weird,” Jesse started, “But anyways… What did you feel?” I looked at him, and thought to myself ‘What the hell is that supposed to mean?’ So, I thought back to when it happened… “Well, I remember kissing you, I don’t remember the feeling I had. Maybe there wasn’t one… Not sure.”

Then Jesse started to look pretty down. Sad, I guess. I have no idea what he was feeling but I knew it wasn’t good. He wouldn’t look me in the eye after that. All I could think was ‘Did I upset him?’ I had to ask… “Jesse, what- I mean… Did I say something to-” I kept stuttering, I couldn’t figure out the words to say. This was horrible. Thankfully Jesse was able to speak up. “Have you ever even-” I didn’t want to but I had to interrupt him this time. “Jesse, your Mom…” Jesse turned around and saw his Mom pulling up. “Can we talk about this later?” I asked. “Yeah, sure.” Jesse replied.

“You boys ready?” Tiffany asked. We stood up and made our way to her truck. As she drove us to her house, me and Jesse didn’t even say one word to each other.

We finally arrived at his house. I realized this had been the first time I’ve been to his house in the few months that we’ve been friends. I looked around, amazed at how nice this house is. “Wow Jesse, your house is really nice!” I said, “Thanks… I mean we’re not rich like you, but-” Jesse started, “I’m not rich, Jesse! We just have a little bit more money than most people.” I interrupted. Most people assume I’m rich because I have a flat screen tv in my bed room. I wish I was rich, though! That would be awesome, I’d have like… Wait… Back to the point! I followed Jesse to a door I assumed was his room. “Do not laugh when you see my room, Justin.” Confused, I asked “Why would I laugh?” He didn’t answer, figured it’d be easier to show me.

I walked into his room, and oh my god was it pink! Like, seriously, it was PINK! I’m not going to judge him though, he likes pink, so? I guess I was just shocked. He’s gay but he’s the kind of gay kid who can fool you for a manly type. “Woooooowww!” I exclaimed. “This is why I thought you would laugh,” Jesse said, “but surprisingly you haven’t laughed yet!” I kept looking around. I couldn’t get enough of it. My eyes were burning, It’s like I just woke up and looked at the sun! “It’s fine, I’ve seen…” I hesitated, “Pinker rooms than this…” He looked at me in amazement “You’ve seen rooms, pinker than this??” I laughed. At his comment, not his room. I’m not going to laugh at his room, he told me not to… Okay!? “I think the Easter Bunny wants his room back though,” I joked. With that I got him to laugh along with me.

Jesse suggested we sit down and play video games. I never thought I’d be one to play “The Sims 3″ Pfft. Whatever that is. But, it’s kinda fun… I guess. If you like taking real life and making a game out of it. I mean it’s okay if you like making some little avatar go pee. And eat. And… sleep. Anyways, while we were playing, Jesse reminded me about our conversation. “Remember earlier? I was going to ask you something right before my Mom came?” I was scared to answer him, because I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know what he was going to ask or not. So I nodded. “Well, I forget what I was going to ask you.” He said. Thankfully.

But then I remembered something I wanted to ask him. “Okay, Jesse. I told you about my Dad, now it’s your turn…” Jesse pressed pause on the game. Apparently this was big. He sighed, then looked over to me. “When I was six, my parents abandoned me. Well, my real parents…” I knew where this was going, but I had to let him finish. ”And, Tiffany and her husband adopted me… By the time I got to the point where I could call them Mom and Dad… John, her husband abandoned Tiffany and I. So, since then it’s been just me and her.” As Jesse finished up his story that I thought would be much longer, a tear slid down his cheek. You know how they say when you have an emotional moment with somebody, you have an urge to do something crazy? Like, make out, because for some reason beyond me, I felt like making out with Jesse. Call me gay, but I can assure you I’m not. “Kiss me,” I said, “What?” Jesse replied. “Jesse, I have no idea why but I want you to kiss me. Right now…” Without a doubt he stood up, grabbed my hand and pulled me up towards him. “I’m not going to do this unless you’re positive you want me to.” I had to think for a second. Do I really want to do this? I’m the one who said I don’t want to take any more steps towards finding out that I might be gay, and here I am, asking my best friend to kiss me. But, I didn’t care. I wanted to, I had to… “I want this…” I said.

Jesse wasn’t sure if he wanted to do this. I could tell. As much as he had a crush on me, he didn’t want to plant one on me because he knows I’m straight! I wanted him to hurry, because the urge for it to happen was slowly dying. Then, in the blink of an eye he lunged his face at mine and his lips locked onto mine. After 3… 4, 5 seconds maybe? He pulled away. I was sure he didn’t want to do that by then. “Jesse…” I started, “The feeling, I said I didn’t remember. This just reminded me of it. Those were fireworks. There was definitely a spark inside of me. I felt it…” Then Jesse smiled. “You know what that means, right?” Jesse asked me. “I’m not sure… But I think I do,” I said. And with that, I admitted to myself, that I might, and just MIGHT be gay.

But right now, I’m more worried about Jesse’s Mom walking in on Jesse and I.

Emily’s Point Of View

I know what you’re thinking. I’m so happy that my Husband is home. I miss him and everything about him. But to be honest, there are things I don’t miss about him. Like his constant need to argue with me. About almost anything. “You left the butter out!” or “Why do you have the tv up so loud?” He constantly started arguments. But right now, I just can’t believe the words coming out of his mouth. “So you let OUR son hang around some fag? Do you realize that when this Jesse kid goes to hell, our son is going with him?” I swear Aaron just hates everybody. If you’re gay, you’re going to hell. If you want world peace, you’re going to hell. He says people who want world peace are going to hell because without war, there would be no military. And without military he wouldn’t be the “man” that he is. “You know what Aaron? Justin has the right to be friends with whoever he wants to be! Just because you were raised to hate gay people doesn’t mean you have the right to raise my son to!” Yes, I said MY son. Not our son. That’s because he’s not acting like a Dad right now. I shouldn’t of said that though, because he got real physical, real quick.

Now, I know Aaron likes to argue, but never in a million year did I think he would reach out and smack me. And he smacked me HARD!

It’s Who I Am! Chp.3

A few days go by, and Jesse and Justin haven’t talked at all, Justin moved to the back of the bus so he didn’t have to talk to Jesse. Well, one Thursday afternoon, Tiffany came over to talk to Emily.

• “Hello,” Emily said
• “Hi, Emily!” Tiffany replied.
• “What is it you wanted to talk to me about?” Emily asked
• “Well the thing is, Jesse has locked himself in his room every day after school and wouldn’t tell me what was wrong. I eventually got him to talk-”
• Emily interrupted, “Here, have a seat.”

• “I’m sorry,” Emily said. “Continue.”
• “Well, it turns out Justin called Jesse a fag. Now, I’m not mad or anything, because I don’t think Justin would intentionally say that… But, it really hurt Jesse’s feelings, and I would appreciate it if they talked about this, and worked it out.” Tiffany said.
• “Yeah, I agree.” started Emily, “Justin is a really good kid, I doubt he meant to hurt Jesse’s feelings. But I’ll have Justin talk to him, because that’s just…”
• Tiffany added, “Not only that, but there’s more Jesse isn’t telling me. I have no idea what it is, but it’s gotta be something bad.”

Emily was shocked. ‘How could Justin do this?’ she thought. ‘I know I raised him better than that’. Emily looked up at Tiffany, and gave her the nod. And at that, Tiffany left, leaving Emily to keep up to her word.

When Justin got home, he headed straight for his room.

• “Stop right there, mister!” Emily shouted.

Justin slowly walked back downstairs, and approached Emily. ‘What did I do?’ he thought.

• “Sit.” She shot at him.
• Justin sat down, “Yes, Mom?”
• “It’s weird,” Emily said, “i haven’t seen Jesse coming around in a while.”
• “Yeah,” Justin said, “me either. He must be busy.”
• “He must be,” Emily said, acting surprised, then continued, “So call him, and apologize for whatever it is that you did.”
• Justin was nervous, “I didn’t do anything, Mom.”
• “I talked to Tiffany today, I know a lot more than you think I do.” Emily replied.

‘Oh god, what all DOES she know??’ Justin thought.

• “I can not believe you would call him a fag, Justin” Emily said

‘Oh thank god, that’s all she knows.

• “You know what Mom? In all honesty, you’re right!” Justin said
• “And stop with the sarcasm, Justin. Call him right now, and apologize.” Emily shot back

Justin got up, and walked away from where Emily was sitting. He pulled out his cell phone, and called Jesse. After about seven or eight rings, the call was directed to voicemail. So, Justin tried calling again. Eventually, after about three or four tries, Jesse finally answered.

• “What?” Jesse said, angrily
• “Jesse, you were right, we need to talk.” Justin replied
• “Well unless you’re going to admit you’re gay, I do not want to talk to you” Jesse said
• Justin tried not to yell through the phone, as he said “I don’t want to talk about this over the phone. That’s a private conversation we should have in person.”
• “Your Mom is in the room, isn’t she?” Jesse asked
• “Umm, yes. So please come over and talk to me.” Justin said
• “Not until you admit you’re gay” Jesse said.
• “Jesse I’m not g-” Justin stopped, looked at his Mom, then continued “Please Jesse. I’m begging you, please come over and talk to me.”

Jesse didn’t respond. Instead he hung up. After about, an hour of waiting, the door bell rang.

Justin opened the door, and surprisingly, there stood Jesse.

• “You came,” Justin said, surprised.
• “That’s the thing, Justin. I’d do just about anything for you, it’s literally sick.” Jesse said, quietly
• “Uhh, can we go upstairs? It’s a little more private up there” Justin asked.

Sure enough, Jesse and Justin made their way upstairs, and made their way over to the couch. Justin made sure to close the door, to reduce any noise his Mom might hear. Making it nearly impossible for her to eavesdrop.

• “I hope you brought me hear to tell me you’re gay, Justin.” Jesse said
• “No, Jesse. I brought you here to say I’m sorry. And that I was wrong…” Justin said, softly.
• “No, it’s my fault.” Jesse said. “I… brought up the beach, and if I would of never done that you would of never kissed me.”
• “No. Jesse, no. It’s my fault. I just want to leave it in the past. I’m not… gay, but-” Justin stopped.
• “But?” Jesse asked
• “But… I don’t know. I can’t really finish that sentence.” Justin said.
• “Great. Well, if you’re done now, I should be going,” Jesse said, standing up

Justin grabbed Jesse’s arm, not tight, but enough to make Jesse stop.

• “Jesse stop.” Justin said. “If you leave, I have nothing. I have nobody, and I can’t stand the feeling of loneliness. It just doesn’t work for me.”
• Jesse sat back down, “Why are you so afraid, Justin?”
• “I don’t know,” Justin said, crying. “I fear rejection, and I fear losing everything I have. I’m not saying I AM gay, I’m just saying I don’t want to make any more steps toward finding out that I might be. Because you said it best, Jesse, the feeling sucks.”
• “It does suck.” Jesse said, smiling. “That’s why I’m going to stop bringing it up, because you said it best, Justin, it’s better left in the past.”

And with the Justin was able to draw a smile on his face. He looked up at Jesse, and laughed. ‘What would I do without him?’ Justin thought. And then, they stood up, and Justin pulled Jesse in for a hug.

• “Thank you, Jesse!” Justin said, while still hugging Jesse.

Meanwhile, Emily got a phone call.

• “Oh my god!” Emily said, dropping the phone. And then falling to the floor in tears. Tears of pain, emotionally and somewhat physically. A feeling inside of her was scratching at her stomach.

Justin and Jesse sat out on the balcony, to just talk and hangout. Since, they haven’t done that in a while now.

• “Suppose you were gay,” Jesse said, nervously
• “Suppose I was?” Justin said, “Okay, fine. Suppose I am then.”
• “Well, if you were.. Who… Or wh-” Jesse said, unsure of how to word what was on his mind
• “You would be my first choice, Jesse.” Justin said, smiling, “No doubt.”
• Laughing, Jesse asked, “How did you know what I was going to say?”
• “Because I know you, more than I know anyone else.” Justin replied.

So at that, they just sat there, gazing at the stars. Laughing, and talking, and just hanging out. Because after all, there’s no feeling better than the one you get when you realize your best friend was still there, even when he wasn’t.

The next night, Emily got a visitor

It’s Who I Am! – Chp.2

JESSE’S POINT OF VIEW

Dear Journal,

Be proud of me, because no one else would of handled it like me,

I started going over Justin’s a lot, after we became really good friends. I’m over there like every weekend, and sometimes during the week days too. Mrs. Burnack doesn’t mind. And neither does my Mom.

Last night, me and Justin decided to play Truth or Dare. Well, I decided, he just went along with it. I was first. “Truth or Dare,” I asked him. “Truth,” he said. Then, I asked “Whose hotter? Angelina Jolie, or Jennifer Anniston?” He laughed, and replied, “Jennifer! For sure!”

“Truth or Dare,” he asked me. I said “truth,” since I’m not real good with dares. He took forever coming up with a question. “For God’s sake Justin, just ask me something!” I hollered. “Okay, okay,” he replied, “Ummm, can you dance?” I looked at him wondering if he was serious. “Can I dance?” I asked, “Umm, no! I don’t dance.” I continued. He looked at me and smiled, then asked if I wanted to learn? I declined his offer but he insisted.

He actually reached out to grab my hand… Now, I’m the gay one, and this made me so uncomfortable. “Justin, let’s just play the game…” I said, he just kept trying to dance with me though. “Jesse, it’s just a harmful dance…” He said. “I know, but I’m uncomfortable, can we just play the game?” Sure enough, we went back to Truth or dare.

We were still standing when I asked him, “Truth, or Dare?” He said truth, again. So, without thinking I asked him what was on top of my mind. “When we were at the beach… You wanted to kiss me, didn’t you?” He didn’t answer me, he just stared at me, weirdly. So I asked, “Why didn’t you?” Another long pause, and then he finally spoke up, “I’m not gay Jesse, let’s get on with the game now.”

“Justin… Seriously.” I said, nervously, not knowing how this conversation is going to go. Then I continued, “I know you at least wanted to, whether it was a sense of confusion or… If you are gay-” He raised his voice and said, “I’m NOT gay Jesse!”, interrupting me. I never once in my life stood up for myself, not ONCE. And there I was gaining the nerve to raise my voice back at him, and just as I opened my mouth, just as the words made their way from my gut to my throat, he walked away. And then, my nerve calmed down, and I didn’t have the chance to stand up for myself, something I’ve been wanting to do forever! All I could do now was to follow him. He walked over to sit on his couch. So I sat down next to him.

Very calmly, and with a bit of a tear in his eyes, he looked at me and said, “I’m not gay Jesse…” All I could do was speak calmly back to him. “I know, Justin. It was my mistake…” I said. And for some ODD reason. Some holy god odd reason, that’s beyond me, he looked at me, with all the look he had, and then…

He, kissed ME! I’m gay, and he planted one on ME! It was only a small peck. It lasted maybe 3 seconds until he pulled away and looked away from me in embarrassment. HOWEVER, being the love crazy person that I am, and also, has a MAJOR crush on my one and only friend, whose STRAIGHT… I didn’t kiss him back! Be proud of me, journal, because if it were anyone else, I’d be on it. All over them lips. He finally got the courage to look back over at me, but only to say “I… I’m tired. I’ll see you in the morning?” Without even waiting for my reply, he walked over to his bed and turned out the lights. I lied down on the couch, and closed my eyes. I could hear him crying, still. After maybe 15 minutes, he finally stopped, and fell asleep. The next day, when we had to wake up fr school, his Mom came up in his room, woke us up, and made sure we got to the bus on time.

He even ignored me the whole time we were getting ready. He ignored me while we ate, he ignored me while we waited for the bus, outside. He didn’t even look at me. When we got in the bus, I had to do something. Or even SAY something. “Justin, we need to talk,” He interrupted me, like he ALWAYS does to say, without even looking at me still, “No we don’t. We do not need to talk. All you want to say is that you think I’m gay. So you can rub it in my face, and laugh at me-” I tried to interrupt, “No I-” But he spoke up a bit, and since we’re the first ones to get on the bus in the morning, no one was around to hear it. The bus driver wears headphones during, anyways… “Jesse, all you want is an excuse to seem so much better than everyone else, an excuse to put ME down, for something that’s your fault.” I kind of just sat there, and listened to him bicker and bicker and bicker, occasionally speaking up with saying things like, “My fault?” and “That’s not true,” But he interrupted me, EACH time. By the time I thought we were done arguing, or I mean by the time HE was done arguing, I tried to be reasonable and talk to him, like a normal person would. But, to my surprise, he said, “Jesse, you think I’m some fag like you. I’m not, okay? So stop talking to me.”

So once again… Dear Journal, be proud of me, because no one else would of handled it like me.

It’s Who I Am! Chp.1

Justin found himself waking on a Monday morning, the day he was supposed to start his new school. So, he did his morning routine.

Which includes, eating. So he grabbed his favorite cereal and began chowing down at the bowl.

• “Justin! You’re going to be late for school!” His Mother fussed
• “No I’m not! I have 30 minutes until the bus comes… Stay out of my business” Justin snapped back!

Emily ignored the rude comment, and walked away. As Justin finished up eating, he headed to the bathroom.

As Justin brushes his teeth, and thinks about what he’s going to do today… After school that is… He wonders if Jesse goes to the same school. He did say he didn’t have any friends, maybe he dropped out? ‘Whatever’ Justin thought. ‘He lives right across the street, it’s not like I’m never gonna see him again.’ Just as Justin was finishing up in the bathroom, his Mom walked in and started rushing him again.

• “Justin! Go!” Emily snapped
• “Mom! I have time!” he replied
• “How much time? 10 minutes! And you’re not even dressed yet!” She shot back
• “Oh my g-” Justin started…
• “Don’t you use that kind of language in MY house!” Emily interrupted.

Mad, Justin stomped out the door, and all the way upstairs. When done, he made his way downstairs, and out the front door, where the bus is to pick him up.

As Justin walked up to the bus, he noticed Jesse through the window. ‘Huh? What do you know, Jesse does go to the same school. And, he’s sitting alone, this promises me a place to sit.’ Justin thought as he made his way into the bus to sit down.

As Justin sat down, not saying a word to Jesse, he looked behind him, and EVERYONE was staring at him.

• “Why’s everyone staring at me?” Justin whispered
• “Because you’re sitting with me.” Jesse said. Then continued “So, go sit somewhere else for your sake… Don’t make this year a living hell for you. They’ll all assume you’re gay… and just trust me.”
• Justin hesitated to speak for a minute…. Then said “No… I’m not going to sit somewhere else just to protect my reputation. I’d rather lose it, then you sitting alone on the bus every day…”
• Jesse laughed… “Your choice.”

And so, that was a promise that Jesse never had to sit alone again. It was the beginning of a good friendship. You’d assume so, right?

Now, during school, they even sat next to each other in every class, during lunch, during study hall… Jesse was proud to say that he didn’t feel alone, for the first time in a long time. He was smiling all day… Not once did he frown, or bring upon himself one bit of unhappiness.

Meanwhile, while alone for the first time in a few years, Emily sat on the balcony, where her musical instruments are kept, and began playing the electric piano. She played the American national anthem, “The Star Spangled Banner” and bawled her eyes out the who time. Tears fell down onto the keyboard as she sang out the words, and she couldn’t even finish the song.

Emily made her way to her room, and lay on her bed. Right where her husband used to. Then cried herself to sleep.

On the bus ride home, Justin invited Jesse to come over.

They walked into Justin’s house and went and sat down on the living room sofa. Justin reached for the remote, and put on a scary movie. He pointed…

• “I used to watch this movie all the time” He said, “It still scares me”
• “Ha! I don’t usually watch movies…” Jesse said, “But… You know, sometimes it’s okay…”

Justin didn’t even reply, he figured he’d just watch the movie… Minutes go by when Jesse finally speaks up and tries to get his homework done.

• “Hey… shouldn’t we do our homework?” Jesse asked
• Justin sighed, “Umm. Yeah, why not?!”

The boys made their way to the dining table, pulled out their notebooks, a pencil too, and began working.

Jesse tried to concentrate. Obviously he’s obsessed with education. Justin cares about his, but it’s not his life. He doesn’t depend on it. He depends on street smarts. Honestly, where he comes from, that’s what you need to know more than anything. Street smarts.

Justin tried to make conversation. He hates doing things quietly. Unless it requires silence. like watching movies. But homework? Come on now…

• “So Jesse… Whats the weather usually like up here?” Asked Justin
• Jesse slowly looked up, “Uhm… It never snowed in my lifetime… As far as raining, it’s rare, but since we live right next to the ocean, when it does rain it’s pretty bad.”
• “The ocean…” Justin said quietly to himself. Then spoke up “I completely forgot about the ocean. I’ve never been to one… Just lakes.”

That conversation ended, while they finished up their homework. Jesse stood up and smiled.

• “Go get ready,” Jesse said, still smiling.
• “What? Erm… Where’re we going?” asked Justin

A short silence was held after Justin asked, until Jesse said

• “The ocean!”

After a 20 minute drive, Justin and Jesse get to a beach. It’s empty, and doesn’t look like it’s visited often.

• “It’s my favorite beach” Jesse said “No one’s ever here.”
• “You come here often?” Justin asked
• “Yeah. All the time… It’s where I go to get away from… I don’t know… Life?” Jesse said, quietly.

Justin went and sat down. He looked up at the view, and thought to himself ‘It’s beautiful’. Jesse followed him and sat down next to him. Looked over towards Justin…

• “You know… when I first came out… I didn’t even accept myself.” Jesse said. “I was afraid to admit to myself of being gay, and when I finally did, I came up here and l lied here for hours. That’s how I built up the courage to tell everyone else.”
• Justin looked over at Jesse, “I wish I had happy places to run to when I wanted to.”

Justin and Jesse sat there for about 30 minutes. Not talking and barely moving.

Jesse turned to Justin, and Justin turned to Jesse. They looked into each others eyes for a few seconds. ‘Jesse’s eyes, bright blue, along with the reflection of the water….’ Justin thought. Jesse interrupted the gazing with

• *cough* “Uhm… Justin,” He said, “You never told me the story… About your Dad.”
• Justin snapped out of it, “Erm… Yeah, oh yeah. Okay… My Dad, well…” Justin said, “My Dad is in the US Army… Around eight years ago he was sent off to war. I was eight… I didn’t understand where my Dad was going. I remember… Just crying for hours at a time. My Mom, she didn’t care. Why would she? I mean… She helped me write to him for two years, but by the time I was ten, he stopped writing back. And… I remember my Mom… She told me not to give up, keep writing… And I did. I wrote every day for a month until I just gave up…”
• Jesse looked over, “So… What happened? Did he eventually write back?”
• Justin let out a small laugh, to make it appear as though he wasn’t crying, “No. No, he never wrote back… I haven’t wrote to him in about six years. I mean… Aside from last night. I figured… Six years, he’s gotta miss me.”

Jesse looked up, and realized it was getting late.

• “Wanna take a dip before we go?” Jesse asked

Just like that Justin pulled off his shirt, along so Jesse, and the both jumped into the ocean. Only for a moment though, did they swim around.

Jesse was the first to get out. He looked over to Justin, and the look on his face when he saw that Justin’s trunks had actually fallen off, and floated to the top of the ocean.

• “Close your eyes!” Justin said, laughing
• Jesse laughed along, and then turned around

Justin grabbed his shorts, and put them back on, under the water. Then came out of the water. Justin was soaked, as was Jesse. The boys got in Justin’s truck, and Jesse gave him directed him home.

After Justin had got dried off, and clothed, Emily invited him to sit down and talk.

• “Justin… We need to talk…” Emily said
• Sitting down, Justin asked, “Yeah, what’s up?”
• “Justin… I went to go check the mail today… And I found a letter-”
• Justin interrupted, “Yeah mom! What? You have a problem with me writing to Dad, now? Aren’t you the one who told me to just keep writing to him? not to give up?” He asked
• “Now… Dammnit Justin… STOP! Stop… Acting like you’re the victim in all this!” She said, with a tear in her eye, “You’re not going to make me feel guilty all the time by blaming me for everything! If you don’t respect me anymore… Fine! I understand, I wasn’t exactly the best… But just don’t hate me! I threw away the letter becau-”
• Justin looked around, “I… I’m sorry…” he said, continuing “Uhh… Umm, I… I figured Dad would want to write back to me this time….”

Emily was crying even harder now, she looked over to Justin and jumped at him, hugging him. She held on as tight as she could. Justin hugs just like his Dad, and that made Emily, that much more upset, and then she pulled away

• “Justin… When Lieutenant John, called me… He said that there was a bombing, and your Dad was involved in it. Some people lived, some didn’t… Some bodies weren’t even found yet…” Emily said, still crying
• Justin looked up at Emily, “Mom… I…”
• Emily interrupted, “John said… If they find your Dad, dead or alive, they’d call, and let me know.”
• Justin asked, “Well did they call back?”
• “No… Not yet.” Emily said, trying to smile
• “Then maybe-”
• Emily interrupted again, “Justin… This happened six years ago! He’s gone… He’s not coming back…”

Justin went into shock. He didn’t cry, he didn’t laugh, he didn’t speak, he didn’t move. He just sat there, for five minutes until he just jumped up and ran to his room. It’s times like this that he wished he had a quiet place to run away to when he wanted to.

It’s Who I Am! – Intro

Justin stood in his room, looking around. He’d just moved to Florida a week ago, and finally got all his belongings where he wanted them. Now was the time to enjoy some peace and quiet, away from his Mother, Emily.

• “Juustiin!!” She called out, “Come answer the door, I’m busy!”

Justin raced downstairs to get the door. He opened it, and saw a woman, around his Mothers age standing there smiling.

• “Can I help you?” Justin asked
• “Umm, yes. My name is Tiffany, I’m from across the street,” the woman replied
• “Come in,” said Justin

The lady made her way through the door, as Justin backed up and listened to her.

• “Hi,” she repeated.
• “Hi?,” Justin replied
• “I noticed you guys just moved in recently, and I wanted to properly welcome you to the neighborhood,”
• She paused… Then continued “Sorry, I didn’t bake a pie,” she joked.

Justin laughed, looked to his Mom, who was still cooking and kind of just wondered what to say. Emily quickly insisted on inviting Tiffany in for dinner.

• “Well, I’m making dinner,” Emily said, “Maybe you’d like to join?”
• “No thank you,” said Tiffany. “My son Jesse is at home waiting for me to get back.”
• “Oh no problem,” said Emily. “Maybe tomorrow night you and your son can both join us?”
• “That’d be great,” said Tiffany. “What time?”

Justin never really liked when his Mom invited strangers over. ‘These people can be complete maniacs’ he always thought to himself.

• “Eight o’clock,” Emily quickly said.
• “Eight…..” Tiffany thought, “yeah, eight is fine. See you tomorrow night then.”
• “Great, okay bye!” Justin said.

Tiffany made her way out the door, as Justin closed it, turned to his Mom and said

• “Yeah. Invite complete strangers over. great idea!” Justin shouted
• “She seemed nice, Justin. And you’re going to be nice to this boy tomorrow, because who knows if he even has friends or not.”

Emily was always trying to play friend maker with Justin. The thing is he HAS friends… back in Ohio. Apparently they weren’t good enough.

The next day, Tiffany and her son Jesse came over. Justin properly introduced himself, and thought ‘This is awkward. His Dad must be white then… Reealllyy white.’ Justin isn’t racist, but he was curious, you know?

• “Hey, I’m Jesse” Jesse said, and reached for Justin’s hand to shake.
• “Justin.” replied Justin, and pretended not to notice the handshake offer.

After dinner, Emily and Tiffany seemed to really hit it off. They talked forever and it kind of just made Justin and Jesse feel ignored. Left out…

• “Justin,” Emily said “How about you show Jesse around?”
• Justin looked around at the small house… “Sure,” Justin pointed to a door “That’s the bathroom.”

Jesse seemed confused… ‘Is that the only other room in this house? What’s upstairs?’ He thought.

• “How about show him around upstairs?” Emily replied.

Without even talking, Justin stood up with a sigh. Nodded to Jesse and began walking upstairs. They found themselves in a dark room.

• “This is my Moms room,” Justin said “My room’s over here…”

The boys walked over to a door and Justin opened it. They walked in, and sure enough the first thing Justin did was walk over to his couch and sit down. Jesse, surely followed him and tried his best to start a conversation.

• “So how do you like Florida so far?” asked Jesse.
• “It’s okay. I’m going to miss the snow, and all my friends of course.” replies Justin.
• “How many friends did you have?” asked Jesse.
• “A lot. I had… A lot.”

Justin couldn’t help but notice the look on Jesse’s face. Maybe his mom was right, maybe Jesse din’t have any friends.

• “But, at least I get a fresh start. Make some new friends, you know?” Justin said
• “Yeah…” Jesse replied. Then continued “Maybe we can be friends?”
• “Yeah why not?” Justin asked…
• “Wow. That was easier than I thought…” Jesse said.
• Confused… Justin asked “What do you mean?”
• “Nevermind…” Jesse said.
• “No really, you can trust me…” Justin said, nervously waiting for a reply.
• “Well… It’s just that I don’t make many friends. Seeing as I’m…”
• “You’re what?” Justin asked “Just tell me”
• “Well, I’m gay. And honestly I’ve lost a lot of friends for it.

Justin was confused. He didn’t know what to say back to Jesse. He thought about it for a while. The silence made Jesse nervous. He was beginning to sweat, and he just kept staring at the floor.

Then, Justin turned to Jesse…

• “You lost friends over being gay?” He asked.
• Jesse looked up, “Erm… yeah….”
• “Then obviously they weren’t real friends…” Justin said with a smile

Jesse smiled back and then let out a small giggle, and then opened his mouth but no words came out. So he started giggling again.

• Justin laughed a bit, then asked “What’s so funny?”
• “I have no idea” Jesse replied.
• “Look… Being gay isn’t like being a murderer. It’s not hurting anybody. I mean… I personally don’t know the feeling, but I’m sure it’s not that bad…” Justin said
• “It is…. The feeling, it is ‘that bad’. You know, before coming out, I thought to myself every day… Will my Mom hate me? Will my friends? I thought once I came out that everything would be better… I was wrong. My Mom accepts me for who I am but, I have no friends left. I always wonder… Will I ever have a family? Kids?… If so, not biological… I mean every day I have a new question to ask myself. And everyday that adds up to an answer I can’t find-”
• Justin interrupted “Look Jesse. I accept you for you… I don’t know you, but I won’t let your sexuality stop me from getting to know you. As for everything else… I’m sorry but I can’t answer that. Doing so would require me to be in your situation… And I’m not…”

Another long silence. Jesse had teary eyes, and Justin just sat there and thought of something to say to Jesse to help. And the silence grew longer.

As Tiffany and Emily finished up talking, Tiffany decided it was time to leave. She called up to Jesse, and asked if he was ready to go.

• “Jeessee, you ready?” Tiffany shouted, not too loud though.
• “Yeah one minute,” he replied.
• As Jesse stood up, he turned to Justin, “Hey.. I gotta-”
• Justin stood up, “Yeah. Umm, Here, Uhh. Here’s my number, if you ever want to talk or hang out or whatever… Give me a call…”

Jesse pulled out his phone and stored Justins number. And then headed towards the door. On his way, he stopped and bent down towards a Teddy Bear in Justins room. As he picked it up to examine it, Justin said

• “Uhh… My Dad… Gave me that, a few years ago…”
• Then, Jesse set it down “I’m sorry…”
• “Erm… No.” Justin laughed, while also crying “Funny story actually”

Jesse looked up, and noticed that Justin was crying. Eager to hear the story he approached Justin

• “Jeessee…” Tiffany called out again
• “I’m coming!” He shouted.
• “Hey I gotta go… You can tell me the story some other time?”
• “Sure,” Justin said “You have my number!”

Jesse smiled, and walked downstairs. As Tiffany and Jesse left, Justin layed on his bed and pulled out a pen and paper.

• Dear Dad,
• Today I met who just might be my first friend. Assuming you’ll write back this time, I’ll tell you the story. Well, this kid, Jesse, lives across the street. He’s gay, and me not being Homophobic decided to be his friend anyways. Turns out I’m the only one besides his Mom who accepts him. He didn’t really tell me anything about his Dad though… Oh well.
• Love,
• Justin
• PS, I hope you write back this time.